Expectations, the mother of all disappointment -- or not?

SO.  I moved to an Island.  Ha!   aaaaand in other news, God continues to work on me.  I've decided, as I pick this blog back up, to simply write about some of my revelations since being here, for whatever its worth.  I don't think they're unique to me (most of them) so, maybe they will bring you insight. Or, perhaps it will just be a funny read, I'm very much okay with you laughing at my issues, whatever it takes to put a smile in your day :).  Either way, I felt it was time I start sharing.

I'll try not to write too much at one time, I could write a mini-series on the past year, so I'll try to keep it pithy (today is the exception).  Those who know me well, know this is a feat in and of itself.  But I'm always up for a challenge and always willing to be transparent.

When we moved to Grand Cayman I arrived at a new place - not just geographically, but mentally.  So many moment's of new clarity, one coming after my first "at-home-mom" experience.

Two things I knew for certain from a very young age, I wanted to be a mom, and I would never marry a music minister.  :/  hmmm.  That's another blog ;)  And here I was, on a beautiful island, surrounded by gorgeous scenery, and NOT working.  At all.  As the daughter of a single, working mom, and now "in the ministry," I never dreamed of not bringing in an income, even as a mom.  But alas, here it was, in front of me, it was mine, and I was going to kick its butt.

I regret working so much with my first child.  I insisted that it was essential (financially speaking).  I then spent hours and hours after my second looking for at-home, "fullfilling" work as an RD (meanwhile, continuing to push them aside).  After my 3rd, I'm on an island that won't allow me to work unless an employer pays for a permit - score!  I'm NOT ALLOWED to work here - ha!  Perfect excuse to calm my type A down and just be at home, pouring into my boys.  This was my chance at "all in" mommihood.  Some never get the chance to be solely at home with their children, and I was going to "own this."  No more regrets.  We also can't afford to send the boys to school here, without me working, so I would HAVE to homeschool - not even a debate - double score!  Finally!  What I've been working toward for 4 years.  This.  Right here.  A purpose and a plan.  Add the gorgeous scenery and "ministry potential" - poof!  I've arrived.

Enter > REALITY.

Between amazing ministry opportunities, I guess I had visions of walking to the beach with my boys everyday (I love the beach), exploring, looking for "pirate treasure" and hunting iguanas.  Yes, a Sandal's resort experience daily, with a dash of Disney family-moments and Hallmark-card Holidays - aaaahhhh.  ::Isreal  Kamakawiwo'ole 's Somewhere Over the Rainbow playing ::  I would teach them at home and be amazing at it.  I would of course have all the mental energy to pour into my husband and "his ministry,"  and we'd be One. Big.  Happy.  Family.  with great tans.

Enterrrrr REAL TODDLERS HERE >  BAAAAAHAHAHAHA.

Have you ever taken more than one baby to the beach?  Now, picture one in his terrible twos who THINKS he can swim, one not walking and loving the taste of sand, aaaaand one 4 (3 when we moved here) with the "too cool" attitude of a 14 year old.  Yup.  I actually ventured to the beach twice, before I swore to never do it alone again. The pool wasn't much better.  Less sand, more drowning hazard, but at least it was a short walk vs. a sweaty, salty, traffic-laden drive.

I learned that toddlers in the kitchen are an OCD mom's nightmare.  I have NO, and I mean, NO preschool creativity.  Teenage girls are a music-minister's wife's God-send and are sorely missed when not around.  Not much "ministering" goin' on with 3 hot, cranky toddler messes grabbing at you.  And, some 4 year olds just need a mommy-break, accompanied by hyper 4 year old friends and a teacher with a fresh set of nerves daily.  Oh, and my husband... who?  what?

Prior to moving to CI I spent about 15-20 hours a week at church and in music/worship ministry with my husband, and I worked about 20 hours a week as an RD, in addition we lead worship or sang for various other events and conferences.  NOW -  I spend about 3 hours at church on Sunday.

The boys attended Mothers Day Out (fabulous!) at our church 2 days a week, and were in childcare at the church for the times listed above.  NOW - they have Sunday school for 2 of the 3 hours at church on Sundays.

What happens the rest of the time?  Well.  Until recently it was me, in a small, hot apartment, with 3 toddler boys, for 165 hours a week, most weeks.  Use your imagination.  I'm happy to report we're all still alive.

Add the stress and financial strain of the move (BTW moving internationally with 3 tots is not for the faint of heart), inherent lack of preschool skills, what I could only assume was a loss of "me" and confusion in what I perceived as "God's plan for my life and mission,"  in all of this, and I was questioning EVERYTHING.

FAST FORWARD >>

Six months later, my older 2 boys are thriving in daycare 4 days a week, 4 hours a day. (Something I swore I'd never do, unless ESSENTIAL to my "career")

I'm going back to school, modifying my "career" for when I return to income-producing work and have learned a ton about me.  Its amazing what happens when you're honest with yourself and those closest to you.

God continues to reveal so much about this thing called a "plan."

I'm happy to report our marriage is stronger than ever, withstanding our most challenging year as a couple.

I turned 30 and the world didn't end.  :)

So, feel free to continue with me on this little, transparent journey on an island.  I'll do my best to keep you entertained ;).

Food Dye: Fact or Fiction?

It’s my obligation, as a Registered Dietitian, to tell you that Food Dye - especially that known as Red Dye no. 40 - has not been proven to adversely affect the behavior of children with ADHD or otherwise.  It is my obligation as a mother to tell you that Food Dye - especially that known as Red Dye No. 40 - MAKES MY KID CRAZY! 

I should have known it when we broke down and gave our high-maintenance, sleep-fighting, cranky, first born Benadryl prior to boarding an airplane.  Holy hyperactivity Batman!  I began to suspect the dye I had so adamantly dismissed prior to this incident a year later, after nana and papa introduced him to popsicles for the first time. My suspicions were strengthened after a desperate, midnight run for NyQuil, only to result in a still coughing, yet now schitzo’ 3 year old and two exhausted parents.  

As a good Dietitian, I’m supposed to tell you that food dyes and other additives are typically in simple-sugar laden foods and that the hyperactivity is simply a response to the food “type” or situation (i.e. birthday parties involving bouncy houses, mass chaos and sugar) vs the actual dye.  Or perhaps roll my eyes at another parent denying the real fact that their kid has behavior issues.  Yet after self-experimentation with dye-free, sugar-laden popsicles, dye-free antihistamines and cold medications we’ve confirmed... dye makes my kid crazy.  Its a different, jittery, almost manic, “too much coffee,” can’t concentrate, kind of a hyper.  My 2nd born doesn’t seem to be affected.  But after a host of other instances, we’ve decided to just avoid dyes completely. 

Sometimes you don’t need “science” to “prove” anything.  Sometimes a mother’s intuition is all the proof you need.  As my kids all run fevers when they teeth, my 2nd was sensitive to corn and honey while nursing and my 3rd is sensitive to dairy, your MD may not always agree with your choices, or conclusions.  Who cares?!  You’ve gotta take the little butt-head home right?

All I ask is that you consider 2 things:

1.  Is the elimination or incorporation of this food or additive into or out of your diet going to be a danger to your child or those around him/her?  For instance, eliminating dye, other preservatives, HFCS, gluten etc. is not harming anyone.  A perfectly healthy and complete diet can be maintained without these.  It can only help, or simply do nothing.  However, exposing a child to unpasteurized milk or eliminating dairy altogether, without providing a quality replacement, CAN and IS dangerous to the child.  And oh my, if I hear, “we are the only species that drinks another animal’s milk...” one more time, I’m going to punch someone!  We’re also the only species to create a smartphone.  Stupid argument.  And, yes, pasteurization kills a lot of the nutrients in milk... IT ALSO KILLS THE DISEASES - mercy.  Or abstaining from vaccines, which puts everyone ELSE’s child, whose vaccines are keeping your kid healthy, at risk.  

2.  Is it robbing your family of too much money and/or sanity?  Make sure you’re not sending yourself into unnecessary debt purchasing top of the line “health” or specialty foods.  Or subjecting yourself or your kids to too strict a diet. There are ways to eliminate dyes, gluten, and a host of other potential suspects without breaking the bank or robbing your kid of being, well, a kid.  I’d be happy to help you brainstorm. 

Lastly.  Just because it works for you does not make it “fact” nor does it mean it will work for everyone.  Be happy you found relief, even if it IS a placebo.  Survival baby... survival. 

A + B = C ...right?

I’m turning 30 this year.  I hear I should expect great things ;).  I’m also pretty sure I’m in the best shape of my life, and working so hard at it. My calories, protein, good and bad fats, carbs, whole grains/fiber, etc. etc. etc. blah, blah, blah, yup, they're good.  Walnuts alone are sending us into debt.  I’m always trying for more antioxidants, still taking my Prenatals (potent little suckers), B complex vitamins (USP verified), and have added Shakeology shakes 4 days a week (complete with wheat grass ;)).  I’ve even taken up running recently (something I swore I’d never do), coupled with Insanity and P90X, to burn off the massive amount of “health food” I’m consuming.  I’m doing everything I know and teach.  

My point?  Well, I can’t manage to keep my hair.  For those who’ve experienced the after preggo hair-loss in as dramatic a force as I do, know.  Its traumatic.  Its happened three times now.  This time is no different than the other two, despite my healthier choices.  I’m helpless to its furry - lol. This hits home nutritionally for me because, well, that’s kinda’ what I do.  Everyone has after-pregnancy hormone shifts, but not everyone loses their hair, especially this much.  Perhaps there’s something nutritionally I’m missing?  Perhaps IIIIII can fix it this time. OR, as evidenced by the past two months (and going strong), perhaps I’m just going to lose my hair :/.  Ugh.  

I felt this same way while we were waiting for our first child.  What am I missing?  What am I doing wrong? 

Somehow we seem to think A + B must = C... right?  I mean that’s what we’re taught in school.  Cause and effect.  Find the problem, and fix it.  Life gives us A, we simply supply B and surely we'll get C. Wrong.  Just like I don’t know why thick-haired women keep it, I don’t know why it took us 3 years to have a baby.  I don’t know why the next two came so quickly.  I don’t know why irresponsible teenagers get pregnant, especially those who choose to abort.  I don’t know why women with PERFECT, text-book pregnancies, doing everything nutritionally and medically right, lose their babies, but crack babies seem to pull through.  I. don’t. know.  

I do know, A + B does not always = C when God is in the mix.  Sometimes you can do EVERYTHING right, and you don’t get the result you wanted.  Its important to be a good steward of the body God gave you, but its only part of the picture. If we’re going to call ourselves Christ-followers, we have to actually follow, in whatever direction He chooses to take, within whatever boundaries He chooses.  We have to in fact, trust that He is King, Creator and controller of EVERY detail.  From the small things like losing hair, to the big things like infertility in a God-fearing home, or the death of a baby who would have been absolutely cherished. 

I’m so glad these decisions aren’t mine.  I’m so glad the timing of the universe isn’t in the hands of someone who can’t seem to make it to church on time.  

You may never know why.  It may never make sense.  But He knows your heart, His Word says it.  He’s in control (It says that too ;) ).  Do your best.  Make good, knowledgeable choices.  Honor Him with your labors.  But embrace the limits.  Give “it” back to Him today.  And tomorrow.  And the next...    

Are you willing?

So I’m going on 4 months post baby 3 and I’m happy to report little breathers from “survival mode.”  I’ve been experimenting in the kitchen more and I’m excited about new ways to incorporate flax, almond meal, veggie puree, steel cut oats, walnuts and quinoa into our diet - yup - still a nutrition nerd.  I thrive off of this stuff.  Alas - the “convenience” foods have been almost completely weeded out, and the squeezies and granola bars are dwindling daily (wow, the food budget likes that).  Don’t get me wrong, life is still crazy. In fact, I’m only writing this now, because my husband and I have decided I’ll be working away from home even less.  SO - my house is a pig-sty but I’m alone right now while my older two are at Mother’s Day Out.  BTW, God bless MDO - so I can stay IN and regain sanity. 

I felt the need to write today because I have to ask... are you prepared to take drastic measures to get out of survival mode?  Most of us never emerge.  And its no way for you, or your family, to live day in and day out.  In fact, a mentor of mine once said, “Something will always suffer.  You can’t give 100% in every area of your life, that’s just simple math.”  So you’re amazing at your job and you’ve got dinner on the table every night - how’s your spiritual walk?  Your health?  How many meds ARE you on?  How’s your marriage?  Sex life with your spouse?  Ooooh I went there.  

Okay, you’re already rolling your eyes... “Well, must be nice for you, but I HAVE to work.”  Or, “You only have 3 kids, I’ve got 5!”  Yes, I get it, we all have excuses as to why our lives are more hectic than others’.  I’m not denying the fact that your life may suck.  I’m asking if you’re willing to do something drastic for you and your family’s health - spiritual and physical.  For some of you its freeing up time to prepare good food.  For some, its having the extra money for better foods (i.e. walnuts are stinkin’ expensive).  Yes, you can eat healthy on a limited income - but it sure is tough (and getting tougher) to go above and beyond these days (i.e. incorporating superfoods and exotic grains etc... that have been shown over and over to be so powerful).  Perhaps you could purchase a juicer or blender - juicing is an excellent way to incorporate more fruits and veggies we’re ALL missing.   

By the way - it’ll be different for each of us.  And it may involve numerous steps.  But, “resolve” only gets you so far, sometimes changes have to be BOLD.  

With the addition of our newest little guy, and elimination of more hourly income, I’ve switched to cloth diapers, in order to afford the good quality ingredients I insist on exposing my family to each month.  Honestly, I wish I had started cloth-diapering with my first!  Less time away and preparing kids for childcare is also helping me to focus on my fitness and my time with God - well worth the budget cut.  Somehow we can always find time and/or money for what we really want or find important.  Where there’s a will, there’s a way right?  What is it going to take for you to place the priority in your life back on your spiritual walk with God as your FIRST priority, then your family and then your nutrition/fitness (BTW, yes, this last one, while not as important as the first two, can dramatically influence them for the better). These things can’t get your remaining 10%. It may be something DRASTIC, and it may be the best change you’ve ever made - even if it involves dunking crappy diapers - ugh ;)   

Survival Mode... if I knew then, what I know now.

So I’m 6 weeks into life with 3 boys under 3 and a half.  And I just keep telling myself, more children have been had, at one time, under more primitive conditions than my comfortable home, with playroom, plethora of toys and baby gates... lots. of. baby gates.   As I write, my 6 week old is on my lap because today is a non-swing, napless kinda day - you know the kind, and if you are without children at the moment... you will ;). Putting my growing, mental to-do list aside while I'm confined to the chair, I reflect on the numerous classes I’ve taught and attended, articles read and written, on how to rear and (in my line of work) feed children.  It occurs to me - how many of these said “experts” ACTUALLY had or remember life with children?  Normal, functioning, perhaps multiple children?  

This coming from a woman who spent her early, childless, know-it-all, driven, twenties ticking off countless new moms as a children’s nutritionist and lactation consultant.  Ha. haha.  ha ha ha ha ha.  Oh the imminent eye rolls and cursing from those poor women lugging their screaming infants and snotty tots out to the car.  

I was blessed with a first child who fought sleep and nursing.  I knew all the book-smarts on nursing, I even went back to old text books, desperate to simply troubleshoot the situation - I TAUGHT this, I WILL make it work!   I was determined to nurse that boy!  After 4 agonizing, tearful, frustrating, painful and fruitless weeks - I pumped every feeding - every bottle for 11 months.  Special bonding experience? What?  Between me and Medela maybe.   My second was a better nurser, my third is by the book.  Ha!  Either it took me 2 years of practice to master it, or kids are just different - novel idea.  Especially when it comes to children, there comes a time when you take what you know, do the best you can and, well, wing it to survive.  

I'm learning its easy to fold, and look to a plethora of processed foods and Fast Food to just get them fed.  But there is a happy medium that establishes good habits, gives kids proper nourishment and keeps us sane (relatively speaking :) ).  Here are some potentially “frowned upon” new-mom survival suggestions with my RD filter:

1. Frozen can absolutely be your friend.  Fruits and veggies - every meal if need be. For meats (i.e. chicken nuggets), the trick is to look for the least amount of ingredients - without additives (its frozen - that’s the “preservative”).  Tyson has some decent options - I’ll let you know when I find my favorite.  You’re aiming for <1500-2000 mg sodium per DAY, so let that be your guide - 400-600 per meal is acceptable.  Always look for NO Trans fat and low saturated fat (3-4 g or less) - aim for Canola or Olive oil in the ingredients, with vegetable oil as a distant second vs. soybean or safflower.  Pair with fresh items, not fried, like french fries (i.e. fruit, corn, whole grain pasta, or whole wheat toast/crackers etc as your carb).  Stock up on frozen meals like Cedarlane, Amy’s bowls, or Kashi - be choosy though - you can’t go solely by brand. (Same guidelines as above) 
2. Use and abuse peanut butter and yogurt - great protein, good fats (PB), live cultures (yogurt).  The key is to keep it as simple as possible - i.e. ground peanuts or minimally flavored greek yogurt.
3. Don’t be afraid of rotisserie chicken cooked at the store.  Its lean, “fresh,” and can be used for multiple meals.  
4. Whole wheat waffles - morning noon or night.  Batched homemade then frozen or Kashi waffles are my favorite.
5. Certain granola bars and fruit/yogurt “squeezies” travel well and are helpful with church nurseries, early mornings & “I’m done” nights.  Not all are created equal - our favorites are Lara bars, Cliff kids A-Z organic bars, Kashi peanut peanut bars and a plethora of organic fruit and veggie pouches - with or without yogurt.  We get Happy Baby delivered monthly through Amazon.com because its cheaper with more variety.  And coupon search for others.  Yes, you are losing some of the nutritional integrity with the pouches since they are heated to ridiculous temperatures before packaging. Homemade, fresh/frozen is always preferable - aaaand welcome to survival mode - these are still difficult veggies for kid consumers (spinach, broccoli, beets etc) with high antioxidant fruits (like berries, many times out of season, expensive & messy in cars ;)) and some with yogurt (see above).  They typically have lower sugar and calories than juice, with more nutrients. I’ll take it in a pinch for sure  We limit ours to 1 (sometimes 2) a day, since they can be downed in a record 2 seconds by my 19 mo old.  (*advise - not to be sole nutrition for babies who are under 9 months to a year, who should be learning how to eat with a spoon vs. straw/sucking of solids). 
6. Don’t sacrifice family dinners.  This is our new-year’s resolution for 2012.  Its late once my husband is home.  Its easy to throw them in front of a cartoon to, well, regroup.  The family sitting down together is important not only for building table manners, saying grace as a family, and portion control, but as they get older, fostering open communication etc.
7. If you DO find time to cook, get your “sea-legs under you,” or simply feel daring - The Sneaky Chef is my new favorite cook book.  

May the force be with you.  

Clearing Up Coffee Confusion

So I’m 9 months pregnant and oh the looks I get when I’m carrying a cardboard, steaming cup. It’s coffee folks! You’d think I was walking around with a bottle of Jack Daniels in broad daylight. And how do YOU know it’s not decaf? Well, chances are it’s not... but that’s not the point. I must thank you, little old lady with the snide comment, for the blog influence :)!


So - coffee - good? Bad? "Moderation - huh?” Here’s the latest.


Aside from comments and looks during pregnancy, I also get clients and acquaintances alike who’ve chosen to make the “big step” of cutting out coffee. Then expect a pat on the back for it. Poor you. That’s about all I can offer. Life must suck now! Lol.


We’ve lumped coffee drinking in with unhealthy habits like drunkenness and smoking. We view the strung out, sunken-eyed, over-worked employee with a cigarette in one hand and coffee in the other as one of those “unhealthy coffee drinkers.” Looks more like a Meth addict if you ask me.


So here’s the bottom line... all recent, credible findings suggest, COFFEE drinking offers no serious detrimental health effects. In fact, if you want to improve your health, its better to focus on other lifestyle factors like, ummmm, weight loss, exercise, increasing fiber, eliminating all recreational drugs, etc ;) - instead of avoiding coffee, which can actually be helpful to your health.


Well, that’s moderate amounts right? Sure, if SIX cups a day is moderate – that’s the established upper tolerable limit – or the equivalent of about 600 mg. Its about 2 Starbucks, Grande black brew or 6 (8oz) cups of “Folgers.”


It doesn’t mean your latest high calorie “coffee concoction” either. The excessive calories will do more harm over time than the minute amount of coffee you MAY be getting somewhere under the whipped cream. And not ALL forms of caffeine, are created equal - Coffee is very complex.


Why the flip-flopping over the years? Well, we’ve just recently been able to isolate the hundreds of compounds in coffee and other potential lifestyle factors that cloud results - like lack of exercise and smoking (two things that are common with heavy coffee drinking).


Although not a miracle food, coffee can protect against Type 2 Diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, liver cancer, and liver cirrhosis. It can help with focus and thinking. New findings regarding cardiovascular benefits are currently being studied – but early findings look good there too!


Now for pregnancy. Caffeine crosses the placenta, to the fetus (unlike Sucralose and Aspartame hgm hgmmm – sorry I couldn’t resist). The fetus is very sensitive to caffeine  (because it's teeny tiny) and metabolizes it very, very slowly. The position statement of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists as well as Harvard researchers, recommend less than 200 mg of caffeine a day during pregnancy (8 oz of caffeinated tea and a 12 oz soda have about 50mg, and 8 oz of coffee has about 100 mg).

If you have HTN and are having trouble getting your blood pressure down, try switching to decaf (for some coffee benefits without the caffeine) and see if that makes a difference. But there is no need to simply cut it out unless its posing a problem. 


Also, brew/drip vs. french press/boiling is the preferred method of prep because of a compound called cafestol that is filtered out. When left in, it can affect your LDL (bad cholesterol). Espresso falls somewhere in the middle (some cafestol is filtered out, but not all).


Tea offers DIFFERENT benefits than coffee and recent studies have confirmed that tea is still not nearly as beneficial as coffee. This could be because U.S. tea is much weaker than other countries’ tea and coffee, or it could simply be due to a lack of study in this area.


So...


Starbucks anyone?

Nourishment and Nostalgia vs. Guilt and Gluttony

I recently spoke about emotions surrounding food and the misuse of food for anything but nourishment or nostalgia.  The Holidays are Food Suicide.  Not only are we surrounded by amazing food this time of year, but we are typically with, or reminded of, ones who may cause us to misuse food for emotional purposes to begin with.  I ended the presentation with this Holiday Food Filter, that will hopefully weed out unnecessary calories and put you one step closer to appropriately viewing and consuming food in the new year!    

HOLIDAY FOOD FILTER:

What is the purpose of this food?

Are you legitimately hungry?  If so, eat a substantial meal. You will consume a lot more calories, before recognizing said hunger, than if you were to eat a quality meal and follow it up with a serving of something yummy.  No grazing on chocolate-peanut buttery goodness.  Fill up on the turkey, then enjoy the goodness.  

Is this food simply providing nostalgia - grandma’s famous _________ ? Which is okay!  Food should provide pleasure, and bring back fun memories.  However, how many other foods today have provided nostalgia?  Can you hold off until tomorrow when you have a fresh set of calories to pull from? Thanksgiving never lasts for one meal, or even one day!  We’re spoiled rotten.  Don’t kid yourselves, you’ll be eating left-overs all week!  So spread it out.  Fit a little, portion controlled, nostalgic food into each day.  Remember, the goal is weight maintenance during the Holidays.  

Am I going to thoroughly enjoy this food?  IS IT PERFECT?

Is the food you’re “splurging on” amazing?  Take a bite, if not, then move on.  This is not the time to think about starving children in Africa, they won’t get your Cherry Pie.  Move on to something else that you only get during the Holidays.  These are valuable calories, spend them on something you are going to 100% enjoy.  Slyly, trash the rest, or better yet, wipe them onto your husband’s plate - he gets more calories anyway. :)

How do I practice self control with this food? 

Find a way, or get rid of it.  God calls us to self control in every area.  Portion some into a dish, and eat that! No eating from the pan, as tempting as that can be.    Keep from being alone with favorite foods.  Store them out of site - back of the fridge, microwave, cupboard etc.  Eat slowly, enjoying every single bight, put your fork down between bights - whatever it takes to savor it.  

Am I eating this food to solely fill an emotional void? 

This is the danger zone.  The food does not provide nostalgia, is not being used to satisfy legitimate hunger, you’re not really enjoying it, it’s “there” and you’re woofing it down with no self-control -- it’s filling a void!  If you’re waiting to be alone, to eat way too much of it - chances are, it’s filling a void. Call a good friend.  Find something else to keep you busy - read a book, crochet, draw, go for a walk, get out of the house or go to bed. Spend some time with God, pray, meditate, read His word.  Find a great podcast - Tim Keller has excellent messages addressing emotional health.  

Take the emotion and guilt out of food so you can actually enjoy it again.